Market data provided by Factset. You've successfully subscribed to this newsletter! American Ninja Warrior (NBC): They’re just shooting at people this season. CLICK HERE TO INTERACT WITH FOX NEWS VOTER ANALYSIS. Chef’s Table (Netflix): This season focuses on what famous chefs microwave in the middle of the night when they come home too drunk to cook. "At press time, McGrath had peeled away from the blowout in a brand-new yellow Bugatti as $2 million worth of fireworks spelling out ‘Resist!’ exploded in the sky," the report concluded. CLICK HERE TO SEE FOX NEWS’ LIVE PROBABILITY DIALS, After her defeat, The Onion jokingly revealed how McGrath was going to burn through the remaining cash ... by throwing herself a "lavish concession bonanza.". Sure, it tugs at the heartstrings a bit to see a father and daughter lying on the hood of a car and smiling as airplanes fly overhead—how could it not? The Onion looks at the most highly anticipated shows of the fall. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. The Onion mocks Mitch McConnell opponent's $90M war chest, says she burned cash on 'lavish concession bonanza' Despite raising a whopping … Quotes displayed in real-time or delayed by at least 15 minutes. Deutschland 89 (Sundance TV): Don’t worry, we’ll save you a write-up for a show you have no intention of ever seeing. Ratched (Netflix): Ryan Murphy’s prequel to One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest explores a grim world where the American healthcare system is brutal and uncaring. "We may not have beat Mitch McConnell last night, but this grassroots movement isn’t finished—we’re taking it to Dubai, Monaco, and hitting up the casinos in Singapore,” McGrath fictitiously said in the report. Onion Digital Studios: The Onion's original entertainment production house. From 15 years ago? The Onion is America's Finest News Source. Mutual Fund and ETF data provided by Refinitiv Lipper. KANSAS CITY, MO—As it cuts from a young girl in the car with her father to a grown woman pulling on a NASA helmet as her old man proudly looks on, a TV commercial is implying some sort of link between owning a Lincoln Corsair and having a daughter who becomes an astronaut, sources confirmed Thursday. “Gotta admit I’m not too sure what this guy’s kid going on a space mission has to do with him buying that car,” said local man Kurt Buckley, 41, adding that it was also “a pretty big stretch” to show the daughter pointing to the night sky from the luxury crossover’s backseat and then show a woman in her 20s attending a quantum physics lecture. With Len Cariou, Sarah McElligott, Amir Talai, Daniel Chacón. The Onion looks at the most highly anticipated shows of the fall. Houses (HGTV): Houses from both inside and out. Market data provided by Factset. LAS VEGAS—In a powerful testament to the role television advertising still plays in driving national polls, increased airtime of commercials for tobacco cessation aid Chantix led to celebrity spokesperson Ray Liotta qualifying for Wednesday night’s Democratic Debate. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, Satirical interpretations of world events and curious human behavior. Legal Statement. A sharp slicing knife or an onion slicer; A barbecue fork and hibachi-style spatula (sometimes sold together) Two squirt bottles for the oil and vodka; Prepare the Onion. Republicans are expected to maintain control of the Senate while four races have yet to be called. Various Commercials Featuring Employees Wearing Masks Who Seem Happy To Be At Work (Everywhere): Lots more of these. Once you get home, the first step is to prepare the onion. And of course, above all else, I’d like to thank my family and U2, who were very expensive to book and fly in privately so be sure to check them out after the Blue Angels show.”, According to The Onion, McGrath reminded attendees to not forget to "pick up their Fabergé egg gift bags near the front gate between the second dolphin pool and Kylie Jenner selfie station.". Powered and implemented by FactSet Digital Solutions. Then, slice the onion in thick slices at least an inch thick. KABINDA, ZAIRE—In a move IBM officials are hailing as a major step in the company’s ongoing worldwide telecommunications revolution, M’wana Ndeti, a member of Zaire’s Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink network modem yesterday to crush a nut. Woke (Hulu): Sometimes when a network executive says they’re looking for a new type of show, you can just name the show after the word they used to describe their vision and they’ll buy it. “I’d be nothing without my amazing team of staff, volunteers, the Bengal tiger trainers, Madonna, and the dozens of Playboy bunnies passing out Dom Pérignon. Powered and implemented by FactSet Digital Solutions. The satirical newspaper The Onion had some fun at the expense of defeated Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Amy McGrath on how she would use the massive funds she raised for her campaign. Parodying the recent events of PETA and Weatherproof featuring the Michelle and Barack Obama in ad campaigns without their permission, which have upset the White House, the Onion News Network is humorously reporting that Vice President Joe Biden had come under fire for volunteering to star in a racy ad campaign for the liquor company Hennessy. Get all the stories you need-to-know from the most powerful name in news delivered first thing every morning to your inbox. Made by Pfizer, Despondex is the first drug designed to treat the symptoms of excessive perkiness. ©2020 FOX News Network, LLC. Democrats were successful in flipping two seats in Colorado and Arizona while the GOP flipped one in the Senate. Legal Statement. All rights reserved. KANSAS CITY, MO—As it cuts from a young girl in the car with her father to a grown woman pulling on a NASA helmet as her old man proudly looks on, a TV commercial is implying some sort of link between owning a Lincoln Corsair and having a daughter who becomes an astronaut, sources confirmed Thursday. Peel it well. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUAIsaac and Doris first met 55 years ago and they've fucked each and everyday since. Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful modem. Quotes displayed in real-time or delayed by at least 15 minutes. Directed by Tom Kuntz, Mike Maguire. ©2020 FOX News Network, LLC. “I have a daughter myself, but I’m still struggling to connect the dots between a teen girl jumping out of an SUV to run through a field with her friends and a rocket on the Kennedy Space Center launchpad counting down to blastoff. Mutual Fund and ETF data provided by Refinitiv Lipper. All rights reserved. or redistributed. Follow him on Twitter @JosephWulfsohn. I just don’t get how the hell his decision to lease a Lincoln Corsair for $337 a month factors into any of this.” Buckley went on to state that he wasn’t even sure he wanted his daughter to pursue a career as an astronaut, observing that it’s a long-shot job at best and, in any case, his 9-year-old loves animals and wants to be a marine biologist. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., fended off a challenge from well-funded Democrat Amy McGrath. Well, guess what? While the coronavirus pandemic has caused delays in television production, dozens of new and returning shows are coming to viewers’ TV screens and streaming services this fall. Funny And Thoughtful Show With Minority Lead (Netflix): This has been canceled. However, despite the uphill battle she faced in ousting the top GOP lawmaker, McGrath was on the receiving end of major campaign contributions, raising a whopping $90 million. On Tuesday, the Kentucky hopeful failed to defeat Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, losing by a more than 20-point margin. Joseph A. Wulfsohn is a media reporter for Fox News. Advertisement Ratched (Netflix): Ryan Murphy’s prequel to One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest explores a grim world where the American healthcare system is brutal and uncaring. The Weakest Link (NBC): Hey, maybe you kind of remember this? Supermarket Sweep (ABC): Raising the stakes on a classic competition show, contestants search grocery aisles frantically for items that have been sold out since March.
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